Tuesday, 22 September 2015

Life Update


This post is terribly hard to write and awfully personal. Much like a previous post I wrote this year about losing my Grandfather and how to deal with a loss
I guess you could say I am dealing with another loss again except this one, at this moment in time, seems much harder because I could still bump into that person, I can still see them on social media, I can still send them a text and attempt to talk to them

I spent 2 years of my life with this person. 2 years and 13 days to be precise. I invested time and love into this person as well as making future plans
What makes this harder to write is the fact I know he sometimes read my blog. This is why I am unsure I'll even hit publish (Hello to you reading if it does actually go live!)

I am talking about the break up of my relationship to Jordan. The guy I have spent most of my time with for the last 2 years and 13 days. I now feel like I have a big empty void in my life because I invested so much of my time into this guy. I spent every weekend with him and all of that was glorious to me

Since I have experienced 2 deaths this year, I haven't quite been the same this year and I guess I didn't realise to what extent until he broke up with me. I don't really have any answers as he claims he doesn't have any answers. He needs space and time alone to think and figure things out. I feel like I have been fed false hope because there has been talk of the possibility he may realise he made a mistake, it could end up being permanent. I am in a state of limbo, but all I know is I no longer have him in my life at this moment in time, even though he claims to love me dearly and from the bottom of his heart


It has been 2 weeks exactly since the break up and since I wrote the above paragraphs and I am now feeling fine. I literally woke up yesterday and all of the pain, the what ifs, the anguish and the sickness has slowly dissapated from my body. I am still not eating properly, but I am no longer being physically sick
I have accepted that this is a permanent break up and I haven't listened to the false hope he has given me. Instead I am just bitterly disappointed in him as a person for not ever sitting me down and talking to me and fixing this 2 year relationship no matter how much he claims to love me

It really is true what people say. I AM young, time does heal and mend and I have some amazing friends. Prosecco also helps

I am just sorry I have neglected my blog within the last 2 weeks!
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3 comments

  1. I hope you are feeling better since publishing this lovely. Friends and prosecco (and a mountain of chocolate) definitely helped me too.

    Roxie x
    The Beautiful Bluebird

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  2. Sending you virtual love and hugs, the cliche is true, time is a healer.

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  3. You're really brave to do a blog post on this but i'm so happy to hear that you're starting to feel better. It will take time before you get back to normal but you have so many fantastic things going on enjoy them! x

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