Body Confidence and Me

Thursday, 9 March 2017

Body confidence, or lack thereof, is something we will all have experience in regardless of our age or gender. Whether it be body positivity or body loathing, we all think some things about ourselves and strive to be this vision of perfection on the outside in the hopes that people will then get to know us and our 'insides'. Not literally our insides but you know what I mean

I'm not going to be the first to talk about body confidence and I certainly won't be the last. We all have our own things we deal with but what are we striving for? Why are we striving for it?
I worry I have multiple chins and that my weight gain from birth control is too much for my 5 foot frame. I constantly worry I won't be validated as a person because I am not skinny and I don't have the most perfect skin. But why do I feel like this?

I was bullied within secondary school and all throughout my teens for being 'obese' (I was a petite size 6-8), and for being 'ugly' (I had braces and then developed the need for glasses and was considered an emo/greebo) yet I always found myself with a boyfriend during my school life. Yes, I was pranked and people would make jokes about taking me on a date to then laugh at my reaction or then say I was too ugly for a date. But the boyfriends I did have were genuine and the friends I did have were genuine and to this day are still genuine. So why do I still struggle with body confidence? I have this positive reaffirmation and support circle but I still can't see what others do

Maybe it is the bullying that has had an adverse affect on me. Maybe it is the media? We all go on a crusade about photoshopping and airbrushing and that models don't really relate to the majority of the public. That we want to see more diversity within the media. But for me to see proper diversity within the media would be to see myself within the media. Yes I am a white girl so there are tonnes of white people within the media and I am represented in that respects. But there also aren't many girls with problematic skin, a bit of chub to them, and whom are 5 foot tall within the media. Ultimately, I am not within the media and so can never be represented by them. I am unique. THAT is the point I am trying to get at. I am unique and I can never expect to be like anybody else or have anybody else be like me

Until we learn to accept that we are not anybody else can we really truly maybe understand to love ourselves. I will never be Cara Delevingne or Gigi Hadid or Katy Perry or anybody that we see on a daily basis within magazines or celebrity media. I will only ever be myself. Yes I can work on myself and get surgery to attempt to look like the next Kim K, but we all know that doesn't work and there will still be differences. It won't automatically mean I become her and become involved with her life so why do we judge ourselves against these people we see daily?
Why do I also judge myself against my friends? We lead different lives and are different people and that is what makes us all beautiful. Embrace what seperates you from everybody else. See positivity instead of negativity

Just because I have been in situations where somebody gives my best friend attention and compliments over me does not make me any less valid as a person and I need to remember that. I am still alive and breathing and I am still there and existing. I won't be to everyone's liking, just like others may not be to mine and this is OK. We all make decisions and choices and it was makes us human as well as, once again stressing this point, unique

I am trying to focus on the compliments I do get. I always get comments about my eyes and lips. OK, so let's play on those! Dress the eyes up and don a statement lip also. Emphasise what is great and you will look and feel great. So what my body may be frumpy or I am having a meltdown because my outfit looks rubbish and emphasises my weight gain. Put the emphasis on something you do love and those troubles will disappear and that positivity and confidence will start to grow and then the world becomes your oyster whilst you shine with radiance

Ru Paul: "If you can't love yourself, how in the hell you gonna love somebody else? Can I get an Amen?"

I will never be perfect, but actually, that is what makes me perfect

1 comment

  1. These are some really beautiful photos.

    There are, unfortunately, no magic words that automatically negate anybody's body confidence issues, but I love reading posts from women who are trying to love their wonderful selves in the face of society's shit. Thank you for sharing your story.

    Lis / last year's girl x


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