Monday, 22 May 2017

Modern Dating and Me


Oh that dating life. I swear I am constantly dipping my toes in and out the waters of it. I am what my friends have called a relationship whore. I'll be in one, then not, then straight in another. I feel like this is a story for another day though and one we could talk about for hours. In my relationship hopping states I have been in and out of the dating scene throughout the years and you know what? Modern dating actually really sucks! And I think a lot of you who are dating within the modern day can also agree with me. I feel like I have noticed it a lot more though within 2017

Tinder, Bumble et al, they all fucking suck. Yet we are addicted to them. But I seriously feel like these apps are what is killing monogamy. Hey, I get it, it's 2017 and monogamy isn't for everyone. We have been more accepting as ever as a society and yeah we still have a long way to go, but polyamory is a thing and yeah those people are on Tinder and open and proud and hell I have swiped yes to a few just to ask questions. "So you are in a marriage with someone in another country but you are also in an open marriage and wanna short term date?!"

I will never get my head around it because I am a heterosexual, wanna love one man, kinda gal. I want to settle down with the right person eventually and dating apps is making it much harder and harder to find that someone
Gone are the days of going out and just meeting people. Everyone is stuck to their phones anyway so yeah it does make sense to try and date through an app and that is mainly because we are an anti-social, sociable bunch of people. We love social media but actually hate socialising and talking to strangers and don't even get me started on those articles about "how to approach a woman you think is cute" etc. It is like we have forgotten how to actually acceptably socialise! Because of all of this, we just don't want strangers to come up to us like they would have done within my Grandparents day
The movie "The Notebook" that we all know and love? When Noah pesters Ally for a date? If that happened nowadays we would all be posting a status about the creep that accosted us in the street because talking to strangers really isn't the done thing any more unless it is through a mobile app


Skirt - New Look / Shoes - Vans / Metallica vest - H&M / Jacket - Boohoo / Necklace - Primark

Tinder and Bumble fulfill our narcissistic needs for validation and are suitable for a "quick fix". I keep coming across so many people who say they are on these apps for the wrong reasons because they just got out of a relationship. They are basically using it as a resource for validation and to still know they are attractive and desirable. Hell, I have done the same! I think we all do. We get out of a relationship and sign up straight away so we can match with people and feel better about ourselves because essentially, we are judging people on their looks. More and more people are using these apps and yes, it has brought me relationships but with people I already knew so I re-connected with them after years. But they didn't last so well clearly otherwise I wouldn't be back on them

Bumble is the worst I am finding. Most profiles on there? Empty profiles. Bumble does not delete the profiles of people who delete the app, so if you don't get a response to your opening message don't worry about it. That person is probably not the fish for you and maybe found their fish on the app. I have started opening with the message "I have heard Bumble is full of fake profiles. Prove me wrong by saying hey" and this has worked the most than just saying "hi" or mentioning something written within their profile. I'd love to know what works for you if you use Bumble?! Or even let me know some success stories in the comments

For now I am happy to stick to these sites for a bit more validation, but these really aren't the apps for finding long term things I am finding. It looks like you are lucky if you are!! These apps are a way of saying "there is plenty out there and better can come along with your next swipe" which is why Ghosting is a thing. Been ghosted? Yeah I have kinda accepted that maybe someone better came along within their last swipe-a-thon so I am a thing of the past. It's why I think so many people break up rather than work on their problems also, as they know dating apps exist and hook ups can be possible as there are so many people at your swiping disposal

Modern dating is literally such a mine field. Not to mention all the terminology like ghosting, zombieing, breadcrumbing. OMG JUST GIVE ME A BREAK. Stop it with these terms now. Just be blunt and forward with me. Future datees of mine just tell me the truth. Don't want to speak to me anymore? TELL ME. Don't leave me hanging and wondering and don't make me put your texts into one of my next tweets about how sucky modern dating is. Don't want to actually go on the date? Tell me and be honest. Found someone? Tell me. Regret ever signing up? Tell me. We are all human, treat each other with respect and stop just ignoring people and making us lose faith in ourselves which causes us to seek even more validation and go around and around in this vicious cycle of validation and ghosting

Is it too much to ask for in wanting somebody who will roll the red carpet out for me?!
Photos by Leigh Travers
I realise not everyone will have the same experiences as me. This is currently just my experience and I am still hoping some people out there can prove me wrong and give me hope again!
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