Monday, 31 July 2017

A Letter to my Ex


Dear Ex,

At the time, you breaking up with me seemed like the worst thing in the world I could be facing. My world crumbled and fell apart and all I could think was "Why?" "How can I fix things?" "What can I do to make you change your mind?"

But now, months after the event, I realised it was the best thing that could happen to me and my life and I am no longer pained or hurt after this. I still don't want to see you in the street so don't think this is me extending a hand of peace or an olive branch. Oh no.
It's a "thank you" because now I have the time to dedicate to my one true love and karma has given me the opportunities I so deserved after putting up with your emotional abuse
You see, I turned down so much when I was with you for fear of what you would think or say or the arguments it would cause. And at the time I was blinded by "love" to not even see that this was toxic. This wasn't OK or right. I should have been living my life regardless of your opinions or you making yourself out to be some kind of victim. I should have said yes to more opportunities and if you truly loved me you would have supported me rather than moaned at me not making time for you. "I wanted to see you tonight but you were busy at an event and I am now not free until next week for you". Everything was always on your terms and nothing was ever a compromise or communicated efficiently or properly.

When I missed you and I was due back home after being on holiday, you saw it as an opportunity to become the victim when I said I wanted to see you. You ignored me the rest of the evening and it made me so sick to my stomach because I was in a different country and couldn't reach you. This isn't right or OK. It's controlling. "Oh you are on holiday with your friend so it is OK for me to go see my friends". Yes. it is OK for you to see your friends, but my feelings of disappointment that you don't want to see me are still valid.

I was in fear of how to talk to you as arguments would happen over nothing, and when I was then in tears you would flip and apologise and say how much you loved me. You didn't trust me for having male friends and when you were drunk it was so much worse. You would argue with me and grab me forcefully. You never struck me, but the forceful grabbing and the name calling and the gas lighting was enough to kill me inside. You used to call me "toxic" and "disgusting" and a "nasty person" and claimed you had been in emotionally abusive relationships in the past. But is this because you have to be the victim?

None of it matters now because I am free. Free to do as I want and as I please and since our time together ended my career has grown from strength to strength. I have met wonderful new people and am proud to call them my clients, and they inspire me each time I photograph them to be bigger, better, and more bad ass. I am booked up months in advance. I never would have been able to achieve this if we were still together. You'd be trying to get me to cancel it all or stop it or cut down the amount of work I would be doing. You wouldn't be trusting of me or supportive and you never really were

So honestly, thank you for breaking my heart, for making me this bad ass woman I am today and for making me see that I don't need to rely on a man to fulfill my life! All I need is myself and to love myself and the rest will all fall into place

It has taken me a long while to understand this, but I now fully do

Yours Sincerely,
Kaye L F. Major girl boss and photographer extraordinaire

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3 comments

  1. I LOVED you post! I could totaly relate! I had a similar realtionship 2 years ago and i remember i felt excactly the same way. Today i'm so thankful of this experience of mine because it made me able to rely on my self and only, much stronger than before and apreciate the amazing man i'm with now. So glad you feel the same way now!

    Cheers girl!
    xoxo
    Kate
    https://sparkleandthecity.com

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  2. YES, KAYE. This was SO rad to read! It's absolutely wonderful to watch your career grow and see you tweet about filling months up with amazing work - you deserve this. Keep kicking ass, lovee! xxx

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  3. Sometimes you have to go through hell to realise what's really important - You are important!

    You have every right to be accepted, understood, cared for and loved in a relationship. It takes two to tango and make a good couple.

    Ending a relationship is never easy but to stay in a toxic one is madness. Your partner should NEVER belittle you or make you feel bad about anything. Emotional blackmail and abuse is the worst you can experience in a relationship. Life is too short to spend it with the wrong person. It's much better to be single.
    How surprising it is to discover that with a certain person gone from your life everything turns for better.
    Good on you girl. Stay strong and positive. There's plenty other fish in the sea ����

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